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When Your Family Betrays you: A Laywoman’s Response to the PA Grand Jury
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August 21, 2018The past few days have felt like a funeral – a long, never-ending funeral in which we’ve listened to a hundred bad eulogies. On top of that, it all felt so sudden – and in the wake of trying to make sense of it all, the family is coming together, texting, calling, writing, asking both God and one another questions like, “Why?” and “How could this happen?”
So many Catholics have awakened with that instant nauseous feeling… the one where, in the fog of opening your eyes, you immediately feel sadness, but can’t quite remember why, and then it hits you.
It hits like a parent betrayed us. Like we’re estranged from family members that we trusted. And in the end, as we process all this, so many of us feel alone. Especially, I’ll say, those of us who have given our whole lives to rebuild trust in the Catholic Church.
So, whatever you are feeling, just know that I am feeling it, too. I share in your pain. I am suffering with you. To say that these are trying times for the Church is an understatement. I am disgusted and distressed and all kinds of angered by the report, the findings therein, and the apparent failure of Church leadership at times to properly protect the Faithful. The acts described in the report are evil, a depraved example of human failing, and all the worse, the evil of humans which we hold to a higher standard.
But I think the greatest tragedy of all would be to let them win.
We must refuse to let the evil sins of evil men cause us to forsake our relationship with Jesus Christ and the Church He established. In spite of our anger, in spite of the call to justice and transparency, and in spite of our confusion and pain, I really believe that God is raising up a generation of saints (both clergy and laypeople) who will rebuild what the previous generation of sinners has broken.
So, yes, right now, we’re in mourning. We feel like we’ve lost something dear to us. But you know what Catholics are really good at? Funerals. So, let’s do it right.
Let’s take Vigil. As a family, let’s go and meet this crisis face-to-face. Acknowledge it for the ugly it is – that is, complete and utter evil – and stop excusing it with equal sins in other “organizations” (as if that’s all the Church is). Mourn. Grieve. Say what you need to say. Heal how you need to heal. Find people to talk with about it along the way (I am available to talk if you need someone).
Let’s commend the victims to Our Lord’s Sacred Heart, and commend the perpetrators to the justice and mercy of God. I’ve seen so many great articles call us to action through acts of reparation, fasting and penance. This is not a time for feasting. Set something up at your parish for ongoing prayer for the victims and their families.
Let’s give praise to the Lord for Christ’s victory over sin and death, and find our strength again – not in man, but in uniting ourselves with the eternal celebration of the Paschal Mystery. There is evil in the hearts of men & women in the Church, yes, but there is also Truth, a Truth which even the most awful sins cannot affect or change. Gaze upon the Eucharist. Fix your eyes on the Cross, remembering that “the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory” are His – this is His Kingdom, and we need to acknowledge that He is the King, not us. We need to acknowledge that we can’t undo what’s been done, no matter how many words we write or speak. That we can’t heal these wounds. That our renewed strength will be best exercised in putting support behind shedding light EVERYWHERE it may still need to be shed.
Now is the time for us, with the Holy Spirit, to take up our crosses, rise to the occasion of supernatural sanctity, and show the world what the Body of Christ really looks like. As we continue to mourn, may we also hope in a purified Church rising up from our sackcloth and ashes.
Non Nisi Te, Domine.
(Picture because I've never felt "home" more deeply than when I saw St. Peter's for the first time. The Catholic Church is my home, and always will be.)
