“More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope. Hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”
For a long time, I’ve grappled with the issue of pain and suffering. I used to believe there could be no “all-loving” God that could also allow horrible things to occur. I couldn’t understand the heartache and pain I had gone through in life. Recently it dawned on me that who I am today – a person who is strong, compassionate, and understanding – would not exist without the heartache and the trials I have experienced. It’s true that your attitude and how you react to things is what will ‘make or break’ you. As humans with free will, we have been afforded the opportunity to take in every difficulty that life throws at us and either better ourselves or let it defeat us.
Just last year, I was defeated. I was struggling with my relationships, with my mental health, and with feelings of overall complacency in life. Everyday seemed routine and nothing impassioned me. Repeatedly I had been invited to attend church, but I always declined. I felt that I was both agnostic and resentful toward any ‘God’ that religion had to put on a pedestal. However, every time I was invited, something within me was saying, “Go!” Finally, I listened to it. I decided to give my relationship with God a chance. I went to church, and from that day, I began to pray every night. But I noticed that every prayer was empty. I was blindly making requests for God to fix this and that in my life. I never prayed for others, I never thanked Him, and I never listened. So I started making a more conscious effort every night. I began my prayers with giving my thanks, praying for others, and then listening. One night, I had an image appear to me. I was standing in front of the brightest, most all-consuming light I had ever seen, though it didn’t hurt to look at it. The source of this light in front of me was Jesus. I fell to the ground, weeping with joy in His perfection. What happened next was a turning point for my faith in God. He came to me, sat down and embraced me.
I realized that the source of my resentment for God all this time came from this notion I had that He had rejected me. But Jesus has not rejected me. Jesus does not look down on me, but instead he meets me where I am. He sits with me. Rejection is a very psychologically traumatic experience. Whether it be rejection from your earthly father, from friends, or from family, it has the same effect. Psychological studies show that rejection creates a pattern of self-sabotage, self-hate, increased aggression, and even temporarily lowers your IQ. When you perceive your very own God as rejecting you for your sins or mistakes, it becomes so easy to lose the rationale that you’re still deserving of His love. You start to view your mistakes as your defining characteristics. It’s no longer “I did something bad,” it’s “I am bad.” We project our own self-image onto how we believe the Lord views us. This could not be further from the truth. While we struggle to forgive our mistakes, God already has. You CANNOT ‘out-sin’ God’s grace. He came to earth to meet us where we are. He died on the cross to banish the pain of rejection and abandonment. Jesus lived a life of rejection, and for that, He will never reject us. We do not have to be ‘spiritual orphans,’ estranged from our heavenly Father. He adopts us as sons and daughters to live in harmony with Him. We are all invited to live as His children.
“Thy Will Be Done.” Sometimes, it’s not easy to understand how our pain could be a part of God’s plan for us. It’s okay to feel sad or be upset while still understanding that He has a plan in mind for you.
However, continue to remind yourself that through this trial, He is making you stronger both in life and in faith. When you struggle with the pain, repeat “Thy Will Be Done.” Rejoice in your struggles, keeping your trust in the Lord, that he has a purpose for this. Because through the flames, He will make you gold purified.
John 16:33 ESV
“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”